Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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