You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
