direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
