My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
