like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
