im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
