He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
