I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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