I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
