dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
