Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
