What did we do last night that was yellow?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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