this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
