Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
