2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
