If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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