I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
