if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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