1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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