but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
