whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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