Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
