Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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