i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
