im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The Olympian is in my bed
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
