I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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