I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
