How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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