bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
