You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
