You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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