You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
