the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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