I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
