My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
