Me too!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
