I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
