just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
