hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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