Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
