wanna go halves on a baby?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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