ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
