I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
