my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the condom got lost in my hair
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
