i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
