i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
