she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
