Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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