I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
