Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
