She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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