So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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